Extinction – Friday Fictioneers

Published by

Thomas Charles Henry

March 21, 2018

Time for another Friday Fictioneers entry! The challenge is to write a 100-word story in response to a weekly photo prompt chosen by our host Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Follow the link to her blog for more information. Thank you to all who take the time to read, like, or comment.

2018 03 23

PHOTO PROMPT © Björn Rudberg

Extinction

The signpost was crude: a human handprint, stained on wood. Christian stared at it.

“Is that blood?”

Argus shrugged, “No ink around here.”

“What lies beyond?”

“Extinction. The other side of the mountain is a hunting ground for predators: the changed kind. Head that way alone; nobody will bother looking for you.”

“You don’t like me, do you?” Christian said.

“‘Like’ doesn’t come into it. Our community hasn’t seen a new face for years. Suddenly you show up with tales of people moving back into the cities: ‘Rebuilding’, you say. Which begs the question: how come you’re here, not there?”

19 responses to “Extinction – Friday Fictioneers”

Alicia Jamtaas

March 22, 2018

Oh! That last line opens a whole new world full of questions. Extinction? Why? Around the corner? And who are the changed kind? Lovely little mystery you’ve created here.

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1. Thom Carswell
  
  March 26, 2018
  
  Thanks Alicia! Glad you enjoyed it.
  
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Lynn Love

March 22, 2018

Ooh, like Alicia, I love that last line and the sense of mystery you created in just a few lines. This idea deserves a longer story I think

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1. Thom Carswell
  
  March 26, 2018
  
  Thanks Lynn. This is actually an extract of a longer story that I hope to write someday.
  
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  1. Lynn Love
    
    March 27, 2018
    
    Good luck with the longer tale, Thom. Sounds intriguing
    
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Susan

March 22, 2018

Are there religious undertones, or do I read too much into this? Is the WHY a form of conversion or something else? Definitely a good mystery

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1. Thom Carswell
  
  March 26, 2018
  
  Thanks for your comment Susan. Christian’s name is certainly no accident. In the longer story I have in my head, his character represents the old way of life, before whatever tragedy has befallen mankind. He has a strong desire to see things return to the way they were, and feels threatened by the prospect of a new way of living which no longer conforms to what he considers normal. I wanted a name that represented this and ‘Christian’ was the best I could do at the time. Religious undertones may be lurking somewhere under the surface but they are not my primary concern – although the beauty of literature is that you can interpret it as you wish! Thanks for reading!
  
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James McEwan

March 22, 2018

Trust is hard to maintain, especially in a dystopian world. Great ending.

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1. Thom Carswell
  
  March 26, 2018
  
  Thank you James!
  
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pennygadd51

March 23, 2018

You use good dialogue, your language is carefully chosen (crude, stained, blood, extinction etc), the scene between the two characters unfolds naturally and fluently. All well done.
So I was surprised that it didn’t grab me more as a story.
I think perhaps that’s because the story’s start point and its end aren’t very well linked. Progress beyond the warning sign isn’t obviously related to the stranger’s origin and motives. This is just a thought, just a personal opinion really. In many ways you’ve crafted your story well.

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1. Thom Carswell
  
  March 26, 2018
  
  Thank you for your comment Penny. It’s always nice to receive constructive criticism. I suppose the problem might be that I haven’t written a ‘story’ so much as an extract from a longer story I’m intending to write in the future. Because I know my characters and their intentions, it all makes perfect sense to me. However, I appreciate it might not be so clear to a reader who doesn’t have the information in my head! With regards to the beginning and end not being well linked, this is actually something I tried to achieve by juxtaposing the imagined or unseen threat of possible monsters lurking beyond the sign with the very real threat posed to a small community by a stranger whose intentions are not entirely clear. However, its possible I missed the mark! Thanks again for reading and commenting.
  
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anuragbakhshi

March 24, 2018

I loved the story till the last line, where I kind of got lost. I personally believe it came in too abruptly, and didn’t really go with the first half. But loved the writing style.

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1. Thom Carswell
  
  March 26, 2018
  
  Thank you for your comment and your feedback. Sorry I lost you at the very end! If you take a look at my responses to the above comments, you’ll hopefully find some answers! Thanks for reading.
  
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granonine

March 24, 2018

I really want answers to all those questions 🙂 Well done.

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1. Thom Carswell
  
  March 26, 2018
  
  Thank you! Hopefully I’ll find time to write the longer version of this story at some point!
  
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lisarey1990

March 25, 2018

Wonderful mystery.

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1. Thom Carswell
  
  March 26, 2018
  
  Thank you!
  
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Björn Rudberg (brudberg)

March 25, 2018

I wonder if you can trust anyone after the “other kind” have been there.

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1. Thom Carswell
  
  March 26, 2018
  
  Quite! I think it’s a world where trust is hard to earn and easy to lose! Thank you for reading and commenting, Björn.
  
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