Thomas Charles Henry

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Colony Collapse – Friday Fictioneers

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Thomas Charles Henry

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It’s Friday Fictioneers time! The challenge is to write 100 words based on a weekly photo prompt chosen by our resident queen bee Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Check out her blog for more information by clicking here. Thank you to all who take the time to read, like or comment.

2016 08 19

PHOTO PROMPT © Janet Webb

Colony Collapse

The human mind is like an active hive: abuzz with activity and difficult to infiltrate. Every worker bee, every synapse, operates independently towards a unified goal.

The trick is to be the perfect mimic. It requires time and patience. Get it right and the subject’s mind becomes your personal playground. Carelessness gets you expelled, violently.

I discovered my talent as a clumsy and unskilled adolescent. When my first target’s defences swarmed, I retaliated in panic, causing mass colony collapse. I have never been able to repair the damage I inflicted that day. My little sister’s hive remains silent and derelict.

16 responses to “Colony Collapse – Friday Fictioneers”

  1. neilmacdon Avatar
    neilmacdon

    Interesting and chilling idea

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Thom Carswell Avatar
      Thom Carswell

      Thank you!

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  2. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) Avatar
    Björn Rudberg (brudberg)

    A tragedy indeed.. what a brutal way to find out… a sociopath being born?

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Thom Carswell Avatar
      Thom Carswell

      Thanks Björn. Hopefully he won’t turn out to be a sociopath although I admit he sounds rather cold and distant!

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  3. liz young Avatar
    liz young

    He calls his little sister his first target – how many other lives did he wreck?

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Thom Carswell Avatar
      Thom Carswell

      Hi Liz. Thanks for commenting. Hopefully he learned to control his abilities before too many people got hurt.

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  4. gahlearner Avatar
    gahlearner

    Ouch, that’s a harsh ending to an intriguing story. I love the comparison of the brain with a hive, and the way the narrator describes the invasion.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Thom Carswell Avatar
      Thom Carswell

      Thanks for the feedback! Glad you enjoyed it.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  5. rgayer55 Avatar
    rgayer55

    It sounds like the discovered his “talent” somewhat by accident, then went on to develop it. Too bad his sister had to pay the price. Very well constructed.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Thom Carswell Avatar
      Thom Carswell

      Thanks Roger. That’s what I was going for – the superhero style origin story with that element of personal tragedy. Glad you enjoyed it.

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  6. spicedmullings Avatar
    spicedmullings

    Reminds me of the movie INCEPTION!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Thom Carswell Avatar
      Thom Carswell

      Haha! I only ever see these comparisons when they are pointed out to me! I was focussing so much on the hive analogy that I didn’t see it (maybe Chris Nolan’s film planted the thought in my brain). Hopefully there was enough difference in my story to make it original. Inception is a brilliant film so if my writing reminds you of it then I can only really take it as a compliment!

      Liked by 1 person

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  7. The Reclining Gentleman Avatar
    The Reclining Gentleman

    Very dark and chilling. The comparison between a nest and the brain is very acute and i like where you took the story from there. At least the narrator realises the damage he has done, even if that comes too late for his sister

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Thom Carswell Avatar
      Thom Carswell

      Thanks TRG. Great feedback. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  8. Margaret Avatar
    Margaret

    A gripping and intriguing story. He’s (She’s?) a dark and dangerous character, chillingly oblivious to the impact of his talent. Well told.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Thom Carswell Avatar
      Thom Carswell

      Thanks Margaret! I like that you saw the potential for the narrator to be female. I was specifically thinking of a male character when writing but it isn’t confirmed in the narrative. I do like the idea of this character being female now though. I think it gives the story’s dynamic an interesting twist!

      Liked by 1 person

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